We have a couple of unspoken rules at this house.
- Don’t scare the Mama
- Don’t tickle the Mama
- Don’t wake the Mama
If you need something in the middle of the night…… go to Dad’s side of the bed. Always, always, always. Dad’s side. Period. Never go to Mom’s side.
My 2 older children have learned this thoroughly in the past 12 years of living in a house with the Mama. Poor things. If asked they will quickly tell you, “Never wake up Mom in the middle of the night…… get Dad.” The younger 2 are still in training. My youngest daughter had a unfortunate episode recently where she attempted to wake the Mama. Bad idea.
All you have to do is stand in the doorway and Dad wakes up. Somehow, Dad magically is up and ready to help as soon as a little body appears. He lovingly, graciously and kindly will help you with whatever you may need. Dad is great…. Even at 3am.
Not the Mama.
If it is the middle of the night stay away from the Mama.
Dad is always lightly sleeping on the side of the bed closest to the door. Dad is always half-awake no matter what the hour. Dad always wakes up in a good mood, no matter how little sleep he gets.
Mom is on the far side of the bed. Mom is in a coma. Mama does not wake up in a good mood. Mama needs her sleep. If the Mama is awakened prematurely from her coma she will arise as a deranged, cantankerous, zombie-mama. Stay away from the dark side.
Mama only wakes up if a train comes through the house……….. or if a puking child is poking her in the face, repeatedly.
Between pokes, the mama will slip right back into unconsciousness. So, the next poke will abruptly stir her again into semi-awakeness, where she may eat you.
Mama may or may not actually be awake at this point, because all you will hear is moaning, groaning and grunting. If you relentlessly continue announcing that you just threw up & keep poking her in the face with your puke covered finger, she will eventually wake up.
Here is the scenario as it may or may not have occurred in our house just this week:
Child: Poke, Poke, Poke. “Mommy?”
Mama: “Ugh.”
Child: Poke, Poke, Poke. “Mommy”
Mama: “Smergle……. umf.”
Child: Poke, Poke, Poke. “Mommy, I just threw up. What should I do?”
Mama: “Ugh. Umf. Huh?”
Child: Poke, Poke, Poke. “I just threw up. What should I do?”
Child: Poke, Poke, Poke.
Mama: “What Honey?”
Child: Poke, Poke, Poke “I just threw up. What should I do?”
Mama: “Stop Poking me in the face.”
Child: “Sorry Mom, I didn’t know that was your face. I just threw up, what should I do?”
Mama: “Where did you throw up?”
Child: “In the toilet.”
Mama: “Go back to bed.”
So, if you happen to need something in the middle of the night. Don’t wake the Mama, ask Dad.
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Love,
The Mama
