Read This Before Buying Your Daughter a Ferret

I’ve decided that Ferrets should come with a warning.

frrt 2

Our 11 year old daughter has wanted a ferret for years.  She has stuffed ferrets.  She watches ferret shows and movies.  She has read every book on ferrets in the 3 closest libraries.  She has interrogated every animal tech, vet and breeder who has crossed her path in the past 3 years about ferrets.  She loves them and has wanted a real, live ferret to call her own…  for (what seems like) forever.

We decided to give her the best Christmas she’s ever had this year.  She got her ferret.  He was only 7 weeks old and as cute as a weasel ferret can possibly be.

frrt 1

His name is Frrt.  He has been named Frrt for 3 years.  This is how long she has been dreaming of her sweet, little, wiener boy.

I was informed that ferrets smell.  I was informed to be sure to have his “scent glands” removed.  I mistakenly thought that if he didn’t have “scent glands” that he wouldn’t smell.  Wrong.  Wrong.  Wrong.

Either the doc removing Frrt’s scent glands missed – or scent glands are not the only source of the smell problem.

NOBODY told me what they smell like.

Ferrets stink.

Not “stink” like they suck.

They “stink” like they smell bad

LIKE really, really, really, really (say that 20 more minutes) smell bad.

Please, hear me out.

They are adorable.

They are full of personality.

They are TONS of fun.

They are friendly, lovable and great playmates.

I love the ferret.

But he smells.

What do ferrets smell like, you ask?

Brace yourself people.  I’m about to shock and offend the masses.

We must first go to the pawn shop to fully appreciate the smell of a ferret.

pawnshop 1

“Hi!”  This is me.  Behind the gun counter… Unfortunately, for our poor, poor customers.  Sigh.

DH has been running pawn shops since 1992.  That’s some serious experience.  I am not experienced at pawn shop anything.  This is very obvious to everyone who visits our store.  Ask me anything and I will be happy to get an answer from DH for you.  I will not know the answer.  Sorry.

Our customers are great.  I love them.  I look forward to seeing them every day I go to work.  I will not criticize, question or judge you if you walk in to our pawn shop.  We see all types.  Preppy folks, camo folks, PJ wearing folks, clean folks, dirty folks, groomed folks, sleepless folks, country folks, city folks, new folks, old folks, tattooed folks, all sorts of people come through the doors.  It is beautiful.

When someone brings an item in to either sell or pawn (get a loan) we always inspect the item and test it.  If you bring us a Wii, we will plug it in and be sure it works.  If you bring in a tool we will run it to be sure it works.  If you bring in a bunch of DVD’s we will check each case to be sure the CD is in there & that it is not scratched up.  Everything gets tested and approved before we buy it or write a loan.  This way we can be sure that everything we sell in our store works.

Just like I don’t judge people, I’m not gonna judge their life – BUT I must say that the first time someone brought in a box of DVD’s crawling with roaches my reaction was not very…… um ….. politically correct.  Dropping things, squealing and running may have occurred.  The customer brushed the little critters off like they were… nothing.

I excused myself so I could go to the back room and finish having my heart attack.

We let the nice man keep his box of roaches DVD’s.

DH prefers that I wait for the customer to leave before I flip out.  This is not necessarily always possible.

Let’s just say it took me a… A -Hem … a few minutes to regain my composure, stop squealing and start breathing normally again. I didn’t handle my panic attack very diplomatically.  I also didn’t think about the fact that our sweet customer was still in the store.  Sorry honey.  It’s not on purpose.  If you bring me a box of roaches I’m not going to react well.  It’s just the way God made me.

Anyhow.  After the roach episode I noticed something.  Roaches have an odor.  And it’s not pleasant.

Oh boy.

When you know what they smell like, you can avoid most roach surprises.  Since I don’t like roach surprises – I have become an expert at “smelling them out” before I get too close to inhabited merchandise.

Roaches reek.  They smell sour.  They smell strong.  They smell horrible.

Let’s just say that I know a roach-infested PS3 when I smell one.

So, back to the ferret.  If you really want to know….

Ferrets smell like roaches.

Yup.

If you’ve never smelled a community of roaches – just go grab a ferret and take a whiff.  That’s what roaches smell like.  If you’ve never smelled a ferret – just go find some roaches and take a whiff.  That’s what ferrets smell like.

Ferrets smell like roaches and Roaches smell like ferrets.

And there’s a ferret in my home.  Waaaaaaaaah!

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XO,

-Candi

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