Birthdays, Advice & a Gun Story

Birthdays, Advice & a Gun Story

It’s my oldest daughter’s birthday!  

Actually, it was 2 weeks ago.


We celebrated the birthday.  We had a party.  We cooked.  We ate.   I have started a tradition of writing a “birthday post” (as it has come to be known around these parts) for each of my 4 children on their birthdays.

Would you like to hear some great (ancient) advice?  Yes, ancient.  I love old people.  Particularly people over the age of 70.  They complete me and make me laugh and give enormous insight into things that no one ever contemplates.  Yes, listen to your elders, they are right, and usually entertaining.  If you are hearing all of this for the first time you MUST read this post.  You will laugh.  You will learn.  You will want to find some 70 year olds & become friends with them today.

So, here’s the advice:

“Don’t do anything once you don’t want to do for the rest of your life.”


It’s true.

Some things I have opted to never do in respect of this wonderful advice:

  • Mow the grass (Nope, this is what teenagers are for)
  • Chop wood (No thanks)
  • Gut a deer (this is DH’s department)
  • Play Pokemon

There are many, many activities I pass on because I think, “Do I want to do this again?”  “Do I want to do this for the rest of my life?”

Uh, no.

Now that I have set a precedent of the birthday post around here, each and every child (there are 4 of them, you know) has come to expect, anticipate and look forward to their special birthday post on mom’s blog… On their birthday, mind you.

I think my kids are pretty cool, so celebrating & writing about them is up my alley.

If you don’t like reading about my children and wish I would go back to talking about tomatoes and what you should cook this weekend – come back in 3 days.  I’m sure I’ll have something else to say by then.

Today – We honor my oldest daughter, who has the gift of sarcasm, attitude and some lungs you wouldn’t believe.  Whether she is screaming at her dog, one of her siblings, or singing at a recital, you can’t miss her vocals.

She is 15 years old and chasing her older brother down.  He is 16 and getting more expensive than I care to discuss.  All I can think about as we wade through the waters of driving, cars, insurance, and cell phones is that in one YEAR his sister will be doing the same thing!!!  Having children this close together is a blessing and a curse.  It is wonderful because they think they are twins.  Neither of them can remember life without each other because they were born 18 months apart.  They always have someone to play with.  They have a best friend.  They are close in age and have everything in common (relatively speaking).  The problem with having children a year apart is that as soon as one of them hits a major milestone, you know the other one is right behind them.  When one walks – the other walks.  Then they both start school.  Then they both turn into teenagers.  Then they both start driving.

The next thing you know they are both going to be moving out and leaving me.  Whaah!

Anyway, my BIG girl is 15 and she is as fabulous as ever.

We seem to have made it through the “attitude” years and have come out with only some minor scrapes and bruises.  If you happen to have a 13 or 14 year old daughter whom you would like to ship off to reformation school – I’m here to encourage you!  Just wait til she is 15 – she will be a doll baby.  The best.  Cutie- Patootie.  I simply can not get enough of this sweet girl.

She is a tremendous help to our family.  She can cook like a Ninja.  She can clean up a room faster than Thing 1 & 2.  She is an amazing sister, daughter, granddaughter, niece, cousin and friend to many.  All of our lives are better because she is in them.

We love you cutie!

Happy Late Birthday!

I did promise a story……….

Which has nothing to do with my daughter’s birthday.

So, I’ve been working at the pawnshop like a mad woman.  It’s Christmastime and things are hopping around there.  The more warm bodies the better.  We don’t have a huge staff so anytime we need extra hands I’m on deck.

Although I do my best to avoid the gun counter at all costs, I always end up there.  Sorry, customers.

I sold a .380 yesterday (that’s a pistol).  The guy buying the gun was 78 years old.  By the way, if you purchase a gun from me I will not only know your age, I will know your height and how much you weigh.  This is all part of the experience – the gun form is thorough.

Back to the customer. He was chipper.  He was dressed well.  He was friendly.  He was chatty.

It started with him explaining which firearm he had looked at the last time he was in the pawnshop.  We located the gun.  He agreed it was exactly what he wanted and then began to explain why he was purchasing a new .380 handgun.

The next words out of his mouth are not PG.  You’ve been warned.

Here’s how it went:

Mr. 78:  “I’ve been saving to get a new gun.  I had a .380.   I was here 2 months ago looking at this gun.  I need a new .380 to replace my old one.”

Me:  “What happened to your other .380?”  (wrong question)

Mr. 78:  “I let a young woman come into my place.  She said she needed to use my bathroom.  B***h stole my gun.”

Me:  (Ummmmmm, did he just say B***h?)

Mr. 78:  “I don’t need any ammo.  I got more ammo that I can shoot.  I just need a new gun.”

Me:  “That will be $276.90 with taxes.  Here’s the gun form and a pen.  Let me know if you have any questions.”  (Leaving Mr. 78 to fill out his ATF 4473 for the routine background check).

Mr. 78:  Hands me his completed gun form. (Well, almost completed.)

Me:  “Sir, I need you to fill in this box.” (Pointing to the box that says, “City and State of birth”)

Mr. 78:  “I was born in Kentucky.”

Me:  “OK, where were you born in Kentucky?”

Mr. 78:  “At the house.”

Me:  (confused)

Mr. 78:  “I was born at the house,  in the living room, on the floor.”

Me:  (Smiling)  “What city was the house in?”

Mr 78:  “It was in Henry County.”

Me:  (Mental head thump)  “The gun form needs a city and state, do you know what city the house was in?”

Mr 78:  “Well,  the house was out in the country, in Henry County, Just a little house, I don’t think it was in a city.”

Me:  “Uhhhh, was it near a city?”

We finally got the city figured out thanks to the internet and Google maps and modern technology.  I’ll tell you one thing — I want to be him when I’m 78.  He was lively.  He was healthy.  He was alert.  He was funny.  He was still living a full life.  He told me all about his plans for Christmas and all the things he was going to eat.

He was a good ‘ol country boy who threw a little language around here and there, but a great guy.  He probably grew up eating from a garden and raising chickens in that house, out in the country, where he was born…… on the living room floor.

You guys have a great day!

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2 Responses

  1. Pam
    February 20, 2017
    • Candi
      February 21, 2017

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