I Can’t Imagine Anything Worse…

I Can’t Imagine Anything Worse…

I was thinking about Mamaw and how much I love her and how I need to go visit her soon.

As I pondered my friend, I was thinking about some of the words she has blessed me with over the years.  Which got me thinking about some other things I have had the listening pleasure to hear from some of my favorite people.  Which got me writing.

Because, of course, you want to hear it…  right?

Here are some of my favorite quotes from some of my favorite people…

(oh, and some pics of our cat, Sruffy)


“I can’t imagine anything worse.”

Some of my family embrace the country life.  Some of them enjoy suburb-dwelling.  I have happily lived in both places.  I chose the country now, but there are definite benefits to city-like-living.

I have an extended family member who has lived out in the country her entire life.  She is no spring chicken and has plenty of wisdom and advice for all.  Not only is she fully equipped with incredible doses of life experience, if you are with her, on the phone with her or happen to run into her, you will get to hear it whether you want to or not.  Whether you agree or not.  Whether you have time or not.  Whether you like it or not.

Yes – lots of unsolicited advice.  Which happens to be some of the best advice one can get.

scruffy 1

So,  we were chatting on the phone one afternoon about cows and calves and other country-things.

I have decided that once you have lived over 70 years you have earned the right to say whatever you want.

Everyone I know over the age of 70 seems to live by this creed.  For some it starts earlier; but it’s unanimous:  If you’re over 70 – Go ahead – speak your mind.

This happens to be true of pretty much everyone I know over the age of 70.  This also happens to be the reason why I love to be around them. They are some of my very favorite friends. If you don’t have any friends over the age of 70 you need to go get some today.  What they say will change you forever (and usually make your day).

They have outlived us, they have more wisdom than we do, they have more experience than we do, they know what is important in life (at least most do) and they aren’t shy about telling us about it.  I can’t wait to be 70…..

scruffy 1.3

So, back to the 70 year old.  We were chatting on the phone about cows and life and answered prayers.

This is when she went into an interesting (solo) dialogue about living in the country v/s living in a neighborhood.  You can probably guess where she landed on this whole debate.

Hands down, country girl through and through.

She felt sorry for all those poor children growing up in neighborhoods without pastures, livestock and creeks.  She felt sorry for all those people crammed into neighborhoods, every house resembling the next.  She didn’t understand why anyone would want to live so close to other random people.

scruffy 3.4

Then she said it.

“Candi, all those poor, poor children growing up in neighborhoods…. sitting on their back porches….. staring at other people’s houses.… I can’t imagine anything worse.”

Nothing worse.

Nothing worse than staring at other people’s houses.

Not cancer.

Not death.

Not sickness.

Not swine flu.

Not Tyfoid Fever.

scruffy 1.6

Nope – nothing worse than sitting on your back porch staring at other people’s houses.

“I can’t imagine anything worse.”

animal 6


“Men Can’t see.”

I’m going to have to wholeheartedly agree with Mamaw on this one.

If you need someone to go to the basement and grab a jar of jelly.

Or go to the outside refrigerator and get a jar of pickles.

Or go to the barn to get you a shovel.

Or walk into the kitchen and get your phone.

Or open the pantry and hand you the peanut butter…

Or go to the school room to get your “cheaters” because you are not blind nor old but they can be helpful when reading print that is too dang small for any person on the planet to be expected to be able to read without a magnifying glass.

Don’t send a man.

Not an old man

Not a young man.

Not an 8 year old man.



Because they will be back in 3 minutes to tell you it isn’t there.

It is there.

Send a girl and you will be holding said item in 1 minute.

Send a man and you’ll be going to get it yourself.

Don’t waste you time sending a dude.

Men can’t see.

scruffy 1.7


“They should have asked me.”

One of my many talents is saying things I shouldn’t say and talking when I should shut-up.

“Caution – Mouth operates faster than brain”


By the time I’m 70 I should be really good at speaking my mind since, unfortunately, for reasons beyond my control, I have been at it a while.

scruffy 1.8

It was pineapple.

A pineapple flavored biscuit.

They said it was a, “Scone.”  I had never had a, “Scone.”

The only scone I’ve ever tasted came from an un-named, over-priced, coffee shop.  I had never eaten a scone in my life.  The display was so pretty.  The assortment was so inviting.  They just looked delectable.  The one on the end was golden and had bits of sugar, fruit and goodness mingled within the danish.  It was sure to be buttery, sweet, moist and delicious.

I said,  “I’ll take that one.”

Then I took a bite of my over sized, over priced pineapple “scone.”

scruffy 4

Worst mistake I’ve ever made.

I’ll never do that again.

It was not buttery.

It was not juicy.

It was not moist.

It was not even sweet.

What is a scone anyway?

It was a dry, dry, dry, crumbly biscuit with bits of pineapple in it.  No amount of butter in the world could fix this dehydrated, horrid excuse for a danish.  And I’m pretty sure it was unhealthy, full of calories, fattening and bad for me.  AND did I mention it was horrible.

Why, oh why do people eat scones?  Gag.

If I’m gonna eat a bunch of calories and ruin my health for a day it’s got to be soft, chewy, buttery, sweet and delicious.  Like a cookie or a Krispy Kreme Doughnut.  Not dry and crumbly…  like a scone.

Sorry, if you like scones.

Sorry, if you know how to make a scone that is not like eating uncooked flour.

I’ll never eat a scone again.

My oldest child said, “Mom, I think they’re supposed to be like that.”

I said, “Well, they’re terrible.”

He said, “I guess they should have asked you when they invented scones.”

I said, “Yes, they should have.  Then they would not be parched, stale, pineapple biscuits.  They would be sweet, moist and buttery.”


scruffy 17

They should have asked me.


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5 Responses

  1. Kin
    September 22, 2016
    • Candi
      November 7, 2016
  2. Nelrea Southwell
    January 10, 2017
    • Candi
      January 11, 2017
  3. len
    June 3, 2017

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