I Was Just Kidding…

2 days ago I made a list of all the horrible, wonderful, sinful, delightful things I was going to shove in my face when the 101 days were finally over.

The deadline has passed.  The Challenge is over.  The food-fest can begin.

BUT……

Uuumm…. I may have changed my mind.

???

Yeah,  so I am not the first one to experience this…. or so I’m told by my mother.

For the past week I have been jonesing for all things forbidden…  I didn’t even think I would be able to make it to the end of the 101 days.  The countdown to freedom was KILLING ME.

Here I am standing on the other side of 101 days of eating only foods that I raise or pick or grow or harvest etc and I have yet to abandon the program.  I have been free to eat whatever my heart desires for exactly 32 hours and I have yet to stuff myself with the forbidden fruit.

Really.

Seriously.

I know how stupid it sounds.  I know it’s just absurd.  You may have to experience this yourself to even believe me.

Here’s the deal.

When I couldn’t have it – I wanted it BAD.  Just a bite.  Just a taste.  Just a spoonful.   The desire was intense.  I wanted off this restrictive eating plan.  I wanted to eat something I didn’t raise.  I wanted to eat sugar.  I wanted to eat at restaurants.  I wanted life to be easy again.

So, woke up yesterday morning (the first day off the challenge) and had planned to have some pie and coffee for breakfast.  I had big plans for lunch. I was headed out of town with my son (who was paying a regional college a visit).  The sky was the limit.  If I want it – I can have it.   You get the picture – food freedom….. here I come!

I even told DH yesterday at 6:15am that I was having Derby Pie for breakfast.

He said, “Yup, it’s over.”

I said, “You better believe it’s over.”

BUT…..

I milked the cows.

I fed the pigs.

I let my Cornish Rocks out of their coop, cleaned it out and made sure they were all set for the day.

When I got back to the house I didn’t want pie.

I wanted blackberry, whole wheat pancakes…. with fresh milled flour.   All real ingredients, all from my hands.

And that big lunch I was gonna have, on the College campus – yeah, I packed a sack lunch I brought from home.  Homemade crackers, cream cheese and 3 peaches (yes, all from our farm).

Now that I can have anything I want to eat… the restriction is gone.  The challenge is over.  The world is my oyster.  I can eat anything.  I just can’t bring myself to do it.

Me, enjoying my homemade dinner at a local restaurant.

What is wrong with me?

I’m like a spoiled 2 year old.

• Parent:  “You can’t have it.”
• Brat:  “I WANT IT!” “I WANT IT!”  “I WANT IT!”
• Parent:  “Ok, fine, here.”
• Brat:  “I don’t want it anymore.”

Yup, that’s me.  When I couldn’t have it I was throwing a tantrum.  Now that I can have anything, It’s lost it’s appeal.  It’s desire.

What in the world is up with this?  Here’s some thoughts I had about it:

“You want what you can’t have.”

“The grass is always greener.”

I think the truth for me is:

“It’s just not worth it.”

• I feel better than I’ve felt in years.
• I’m in better shape than I’ve been in a loooooooong time.
• I’m quite certain the amount of exercise I’ve been getting on this mission to grow enough food for us to eat, has burned more calories than most treadmills eat in 5 years.

Really, the gardening, the weeding, the picking, the CANNING.  Few stoves have been through what I’ve put mine through and lived to tell about it.

I don’t think I’ve sat down since June 1.

To know that I’ve done something amazing for my body – it just seems wrong to mess it all up.

• I’m detoxed.
• I’m cleansed.
• I broke the addictions.
• I made it through the cravings.
•  I am preservative free, additive free, hormone free.
• I have a clean slate.

Ack – I want to continue to give myself health.  I don’t want to stop such a good thing.

What about that burrito???

The grand celebration is tonight – Even though yesterday was the first day off the 101 Day Food Challenge.

Wednesday’s are a precious time of the week that I have the privilege of spending with a group of 16 year old ladies.  We laugh.  We get in the Word.  We pray.  They are just amazing and I am blessed to be able to serve them.  Since my Wednesdays are currently occupied by God and some sweet girls… the BIG Celebration will be happening tonight.

DH, me & the kids are scheduled to indulge in my burrito at approximately 6:00pm with a handful of my best friends and their families.  They’ve been cheering for me all along and I couldn’t think of anyone else I’d rather celebrate with.

Will I be able to bring my self to eat the stupid burrito that I’ve been complaining about for over 3 months?  Ugh….

Stay tuned, friends.

Girl v/s burrito coming soon.

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Love to you all!

-Candi