Why I Want to Shoot my Free Range Chickens

Why I Want to Shoot my Free Range Chickens

Why I want to Shoot My Free Range Chickens

The chickens graze freely on acres and ens.acres of pasture, woods, and fields.

The eggs are wonderful.

The chickens are eating all the ticks.

There’s no nasty, stinky, lifeless, fenced-in, chicken-yard full of sad, corn-fed chickens.

There are few foods healthier than a truly free-range chicken, or a free-range chicken’s egg.

Free Range chickens are great.

I am all for Free-range.  If you don’t know how to keep chickens without fences go here to learn how to do it.

If you live with free-range chickens……….. you know there is a dark side to these wonderful, tick-eatin’, free-rangin’ critters.

Welcome to the Dark Side………
chicken hat 2

In addition to grazing those acres of pasture, woods, and fields; the attentive, free-range chickens will also graze your garden, pigpen, back porch, front porch, cow barn, machine shed, yard, driveway, garage and everywhere else you don’t really want chickens.  Ugh.

Here’s the countdown to why I want to shoot my free-range chickens.


Poop – they poop everywhere.  Oh, how I wish chickens could hold their poop.  Just until they get back on the grass.   There’s chicken poop in my garage, on my porch, my deck, my cow barn, on the driveway…….. everywhere.

chicken hate 4


They nest in my flowers.  This has been going on for years. (More on chickens in the flowers here)  There are bowl-shaped nests in my flowers.  I find eggs in my flowers.  This is normal around here.  It’s like an Easter Egg hunt I neither wanted nor approved.

hate chickens


There’s a little flock who has decided to move to the back porch.  I have no idea why.  There’s no grass, nothing to eat, nothing to scratch or peck.  They just like to stand around on my porch pooping and shedding feathers.  These are also the chickens who like to be pet and cuddled and think they are cats, so I guess it makes sense.

Note to self:  Don’t turn chickens into cats unless you want to clean their poop and feathers off your porch.  Ugh.  chicken hate 5


The chickens think the garage is the promised land.  It contains bags of pig food, deer corn, chicken starter, water and there’s a cat food buffet set out ready to eat.  When the chickens make it into the garage it’s like winning the lottery………  they go insanely ravenous eating everything in sight……… as quickly as possible……… because they know I am coming……..

And I have a broom.

And I will slap them into next week if I get the opportunity.

Did I say I slap chickens with brooms?  I would never do anything like that.  Wink.

Please don’t call PETA.


I can’t even go in my cow barn without securing the door behind me……….  It’s a chicken ambush.  There’s some good cattle feed and molasses in there ya’ know.
chicken hate 6


Number one is the garage, again.  And again.  And again.  Good grief.  When the chickens hear the sound of the garage door going up they come running.

And I go for my broom.

This one saw me coming.

Run Chicken Run!

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Happy Chicken Slapping!



2 Responses

  1. Mithun
    March 27, 2018

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